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MRI and EEG Health update

Medical and Illness update

Heath and Macrobiotic Diet

HE: What the past teaches

I debated whether I should put this as Horizons Expanded or the Journey Continues.  But I think it belongs here.

During the time from 18 to 36 I finally was able to date and explore the wide world of romantic relationships.  Many were short lived quick little affairs where we had a bit of fun and that was the end of it.  That was fine in my early years of dating.  I was not ready for any commitments or anything.  I just wanted to explore the world and find my path.  Each person taught me a little bit about myself and what I liked and what I did not.  But I am fond of all of them for they helped me build my character and who I am today.  When I did start getting in commited relationships I was so impatient and so busy trying to make it happen how I wanted.  The sad part was my partners were trying to make it happen their way.  There was more conflict than pluses.  Do not get me wrong I had a lot of great times with all my relationships.

But the greatest gift they all gave me was teaching me three things.  They taught me that if I wanted a real relationship communication had to be number one in the relationship before anything else.    I was also taught that I needed to be accepted for myself and at the same time I need to accept my partner for themselves.  This means we both have to love that person for everything even the things that drive you crazy.  We have to accept those things and not try to change them.  Yet allow for change if that is what the person wants to do.  Flexibility for the win.  The third and probably the hardest one for me to learn was to be patient.  I still struggle with this one.   Being in a long distance relationship really tries your patience lol.  But without patience my current relationship would never have blossomed to where it is now.  There still is a lot more to be patient about but it is coming along.

To all my ex boyfriends and the ones who I wished were my boyfriends thank you for all the lessons because you are the reason I have finally found the happiness with my beloved boyfriend.    You all have a special place in my heart and will remain there as my blessings that brought me to this place of love in my journey.

Be Well my beloved friends.

I 'm Just Me!!

TJM: Getting back to the ebb and flow

I hate being depressed. Most people do its just frustrating and hard to get things done when your depressed. There is just one problem with this. I have a disorder called bipolar II. As part of the disorder I will naturally get depressed.

Lately I have been fighting my depression tooth and nail. It was pointed out to me last night that really I need to allow it. I did not like that one bit. However, when I stop and think I realize its so true. Why you probably are wondering? Let me explain.

With my bipolar I find myself in the manic phase getting a ton done and flying around just full of energy. But in a depressed state I am sad, slow, and generally exhausted.

I have learned that certain things throw me into the depressed state and have learned to avoid those. However, I will get depressed eventually its part of being bipolar.

Lately life has really been throwing the book at me as far as yucky things going wrong. For some reason I have been fighting the depression that has been coming on. This has been a really bad thing. Because of this I am actually causing myself more harm and stress.

So now I am gonna get back to the ebb and flow. I am going to allow myself to be depressed when its time to do so and then allow the natural order to bring me out and back up to my working and getting things done state.

What I have realized is the depression state is a time of renewal and recharge. By fighting the depression I am not allowing for my recharge so I am not getting anywhere at the moment because I am too exhausted to do anything.

So from now on I will be allowing the depression within reason so that I can renew and recharge for the next period of Get it done!!

TJM: Progress means processing

Recently I went away for two weeks on a vacation to see my boyfriend in Illinois.  Just in case your not aware we are in a long distance relationship which in time will be changing.

However, that is not what this entry is about.  When I was there I got to see snow again and with it brought alot of strange memories and feelings that I thought I had dealt with so long ago.  Things that I had not let go like I thought from my days living in Wisconsin.  Perhaps the peace I found within myself has opened up a chance in me to finally process through this stuff I never really let go into the wind.  I am too tired to give much detail but ever since I got home last Wednesday every night I have been plagued with dreams that are bazaar and tend to leave me completely annoyed when I awake.

The only conclusion I can come to is my brain is trying to process through all the feelings and memories I so carefully bound up and hid deep in the recesses of my brain.  This is what I am hoping anyway.  Because if I do not process these things and finally after that sweeping them up and sending them on their merry way I will not be able to progress in my journey to become a better person.

I have weathered storms like this one before but this time is much gentler and other than annoying dreams its a calmer process.  I like this more peaceful me.

Just cause I am more peaceful does not mean I don't get mad or stressed cause I do.  It just means I can find better alternatives on how to deal in theory.

I am Just ME!