For many years I just have not really been in the mood for Halloween or any holiday for that matter. I have been disappointed and frankly a bit disillusioned by how my life was not going the way I expected at all. When you are in negative mode there is not alot that can be done to get you out of it. In 2009, I finally after much processing and rearranging my attitude on life I found inner peace. Its an imperfect peace as I believe that no one is ever fully satisfied with themselves. However, if I am to maintain my inner peace that means I will need to be willing to change as well as willing to grow. Because I was still working out the inner peace thing plus my brother and his fiancée had alot of fun distractions added I did not give the holidays my all.
This past year has been a real challenge for me as a person because I have gained health challenges to my life as well as learning to cope with stress upon stress upon stress. I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome(PCOS) which is very painful at times not to mention there are some lovely body changes that come with it making life just a tiny bit more interesting than you ever wanted it to be. So I was adjusting to this when I developed uncontrolled muscle movements as well as tremors beginning on April 30, 2010. Yet another challenge to my life and something to cause a great deal of discouragement. Its been an exhausting often times discouraging and depressing journey but I have accepted these things as part of me and as acceptable challenges in my personal journey. Without challenges we are nothing and can not grow and learn. My inner peace remains unwaivering and that I believe is why I am able to accept this even in its most frustrating manifestations. Do not get me wrong just because I have accepted the tremors and the fact that I have PCOS does not mean I am taking it lying down. Oh hell no! I am fighting them both with all of my strength and with the help of the doctors the medications they prescribe to help remove the symptoms. Sometimes getting the doctors to do anything is a challenge in itself. However, that is a discussion for another time. For the purpose of this discussion, however I have to tell you that because I have indeed accepted the health issues for what they are which are challenges I am able to concentrate on other things besides the health issues at last.
So I am finding myself wanting to enjoy this holiday season with all its glory fully and with all my heart. Although most people do not see it this way I consider Halloween the official kick-start to the holiday season. Its a special holiday dedicated to pretending, scaring, and celebrating death as well as the dearly departed who have passed before. The last several years I have been one of the people who had to give candy away and I felt like it was a chore more than anything else. This year I decided I was going to actually enjoy it for once. I dressed up as a gypsy and I decorated our front area which was highly complimented. Most years we have spider webs but we did not have them this year. To be honest it still looked fantastic even without the webs. We had no real pumpkins this year either. However, as you can guess I was quite happy with the result and it seems that the patrons that visited felt the same.
Most of the kids just came up to get their candy and moved on. Only because they had parents there to remind them to be thankful did they say it. It was ok most of them were pretty cute and I knew they were grateful even if they did not say it. I had a random young lady tell me she liked my dress. :D Much later in the evening during one of my many large groups of children coming through a young man came up to me and got his candy and then he went back to his parents. There were several kids after him and as I was giving them their candy I could hear a discussion at the end of the driveway occurring from two adults to a child. They were telling the child to go ask her. So the young man came back up to me and said, "My Dad asked me to ask you a question."
"And what is it you would like to ask young man?" I replied.
"My dad wants to know something." he said
"Well I am listening so please feel free to ask." I said kindly.
"My dad wants to know what you are dressed up as." he said as he looked back at his parents.
I smiled and replied. "I am a gypsy!"
"Oh that's right we could not remember the name of what you could be. Thank you!" They said.
The little boy said. "I could have told you that I knew she was a gypsy."
They said, "If you knew why didn't you tell us!"
I just chuckled and said "Happy Halloween!"
I had a good time sitting on the porch serving candy. Its been a long time since I really enjoyed Halloween. It is my goal this year to make the whole holiday season as special as this Halloween. It will be a challenge as we have no real plans. I think I may go to the tree lighting ceremony this year for my city as I enjoyed it the one time I did go. I am also gonna get an Advent Calendar just for fun. I am also considering baking for Christmas but we will see how that goes. The point of the matter is I will be doing everything I can to make this a happy holiday season.
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